How to Support a Loved One During Infertility

While I was going through the emotional roller coaster for unknown infertility, I certainly felt isolated, worthless and depressed. At the end of my journey I decided to write of the times of sadness and happiness. This blog is for family and friends to have a reference to supporting their loved one through infertility. As I feel a lot of people do not know what to say or react and so this can cause situations of stress and hurt feelings.

1st. Do not bring up adoption or segregate options unless they specifically ask you about the two topics. First, I hated when I talk to family or friends about the infertility and all I wanted was a friend to listen to me. I didn’t need an answer for my issues. We understand you are not a doctor but when the next thing you say. How about adoption or I think we need to find a segregate for you. This crushes your love one in so many ways.

First adoption is not a solution. Some of us want to be pregnant and feel everything that everyone else gets to feel. Second the finances for both fertility and adoption are both expensive and some do not have the financial means to do one or both.  Along there are different rollercoaster emotions for the both situations.

Instead you say I see how you can be frustrated and tell me any way to support you. Call me or text whenever and I’ll call or text you every week just to check in. Also offer a visit for an afternoon just the two of you.  As women sometimes just want an afternoon to hang and feel loved.

2nd. Offer to attend any doctor appointments with them. I did not have very many people to attend my appointments with me. As I worked a full-time job and attended the appointments it started to become lonely as I had less time to socialize. So even attending any appointment just to hang out with her or help her process information that comes in is a huge help.

3rd. If she drops off the radar do not think she is mad at you. I read once infertility treatment is like a part time job. This is completely true. I worked full time 40 hours a week and sometimes more. Then to add infertility into the mix my schedule was a busy bee. So do not wait for your love one to contact you as she is just full physically and emotionally swapped. She might not be as on point with checking in on you or be able to make every date. So be patient and just follow up with her.

4th. A call from a loved one and the first topic they ask about is fertility. This will depend on your loved one as for me I felt like all I talked about was fertility and I just wanted to talk about other topics.  While some may need to talk as it is part of their processing their infertility.   I suggest letting them bring up the topic, if you are unsure. Also don’t be afraid to bring up other topics and even about your own life. As we still want to be involved as a friend.

5th. Some people ask for help and others do not. I am a person who rarely asks for help. Your help doesn’t need to be much, a simple hang out or coming over to cook or bring dinner is thoughtful. As your loved one is probably going through depression, for me when I go through depression my house that is messy makes my depression worse. My brother when ever he came over to visit he would clean for me. Even him just doing the basic stuff as my dishes and cleaning the kitchen lifted my spirits. He did not clean my whole house but the simple chore, he did with out me asking just helped my spirits. Small amount of help will go a long way to lift your loved one whether it is going to a spa or hair salon, cleaning or just a simple walk in park.

6th. Now for the happy moments. There is always high and lows to anyone’s journey I did some traveling while I did my treatments. This was a time for me and my husband to connect and to get away. I encourage you to tell your loved one to go away sometime, for me a different place of scenery helps me to regain focus. Treatments can be done on the road and take some planning but worth it.

7th. New treatments. At first, I just followed the recommended procedure from doctors for my infertility. Once I started to research infertility there are other treatments. Not only did I do some lifestyle changes such as Juice Plus as a vitamins, yoga, meditation, and acupuncture (which got me pregnant) I enjoyed the new additions to my life to improve my life in many ways. Doing any sort of research or just encouraging a friend to try something new will help her. As many infertility stories I read have different journeys and I believe every little bit helps.

These are my 7 tips to help support a loved one going through infertility. Each journey is different and will always be some bumps in the road but I hope this will help others to encourage and bring support to infertility.

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